February is hard.

Feb 29th 2020

Why is it that February is the shortest month of the year, but always feels the longest? It’s the worst. Even when I'm in a relationship for Valentine's Day, the entire month can be summed up in one word: bleh. It's the point in winter where we are tired of snow/ice/cold and we get teased of warmer days, especially here in the midwest. Growing up it was always the month that the semester went into full swing and we just looked forward to Spring Break. Most of all though, everyone is just tired of wearing their big puffy coat everywhere. I ended up procrastinating this post until the last day of the month. This year is a leap year, so posting this on the 29th will be kind of special, right? Procrastination always pays off.

Obviously Valentine's Day is February's big shining moment for a lot of people, or it can be its worst quality for others. I don't want this to be a post about depression on the Lover's holiday, but I will say that this one was extremely hard. I mentally prepared for it as best I could, by focusing on positive things in my life right now.

One positive item on the list is that I finally got hired full-time. If you read my last post or just know me, then you know that I’ve been part of a paid internship for 2.5 years now. It was always a normal job to me and my employer in terms of responsibilities, but I finally will get compensated for those responsibilities and then some. I’m really happy about it; I will finally be able to live comfortably and have benefits like a normal American adult. That is a lot to ask for, apparently!

Other than that, my focus on positivity stems from volunteering at church, although that has been stretching me a bit thin lately, and media consumption. Typically media being the source of happiness is what some may consider “sad” or “not real happiness” but c’mon. Some of us will take happiness where can find it, where it isn’t destructive to ourselves and others! Movies, television, video games, books, and podcasts have been a big part of my distraction plan (distraction from depression, sadness, etc.) but I also just enjoy a lot of things that also keep me busy, and also social at the same time.

This turned into more of a long-winded post about my life, which I didn’t really intend. I really don’t want to read these in the future and see how sad and miserable I was, but I like writing and it helps. I originally intended on using this post as an update on the stuff I’m interested in right now, but it ended up being insanely long. I may start adding that in my posts in the future.

Written by Brad Linder